The worst is behind me!
I did it. I finished the
Adriamycin and the Cytoxan. The
Adriamycin was pretty potent with lots of bad side effects that I’m ready to
have out of my system. I have a three
week recovery period and then I start the Taxol. This chemo drug will be administered once a
week for twelve weeks. Then happily I
will be completely done with my chemo.
The Taxol I am told will be a “walk in the park” compared to
what I have been given. The only down
side is that it’s every week. I have no
idea how I will react to it. I’m truly
hoping that nausea won’t be one of my side effects even though it’s considered
to be a possible side effect. Pray for
me that it won’t be. I can handle the
fatigue, especially with all the wonderful sisters in my ward that visit me.
I’m so amazed at the love and service my family has received. I have found so much comfort in those I am
surrounded by. Stronger friendships have
been made and I have come to love all of them.
Thank you for that. You are an
answer to my prayers.
I got to visit from a friend yesterday shortly after getting
home from chemo. She shared a story with
Steven and I of another families trials and the testimony that was shared. She also shared with us how others view our
family at this time as being strong and an inspiration to others. I then expressed to her my feelings. I mentioned how most only see that side
because I try my best to be positive around others. There are so many times when I am alone that
I become down. I have those dark times
where I see myself in the mirror and see only an ugly mess. What I always took for granted before is
gone. I see ugly scars on my chest where
there used to be breasts. I feel like a
drag queen when I put on my makeup and sometimes wonder “what’s the
point”. I have started losing my
eyebrows and eyelashes. This has been
another blow for me. These feeling bring
me down and I know they are not what my Heavenly Father sees, nor wants me to
see. When I am surrounded by others who
are filled with love for me, they do not see my lack of chest or lack of
hair. They see me. And I am uplifted and renewed.
In Young Women’s we recite the Young Women theme every
week. It starts off with this; “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who
loves us, and we love Him.” What a great
reminder for all of us. We are all his
beloved children. He looks on the heart,
not our scars. I am extremely blessed to
be surrounded by those that exemplify this attribute of our Heavenly Father and
of Jesus Christ. They see my heart not
my deformities. They are all truly
angles.
I want to say a big Thank you to everyone for the prayers
and words of encouragement. I could not
do this without you. I love you all and
appreciated the continued prayers on both mine and my families account. Keep them coming. I need them.
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